The nightmare on my street.

I rolled over in bed the other night, and peered at the clock. Waaaaay too early. Just before my eyes sank shut again, I caught a glimpse of....glowing green? What the hell?! Why are there great big glowing EYES looking at me from the floor? How long has that creature been watching me sleep?! What the f#@k is IT??!??
I told myself to not panic. Surely it was just one of the cats. I wiggled my legs around, and found two furry kitties in the bed, right where they belong. Hmmmm. Not a kitty. With one eye peeked open, I checked the floor again. Yup. Two. Big. Glowing.
Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Okay. I had to be dreaming, right? A giant snake with eyes on top of it's head would clearly not be hanging out on my floor. Perhaps a dream?
Quick check. Nope. Not a dream.
I finally decided to be brave and sacrifice myself for the good of my children. I stuck one foot out, and waited for the fangs. Nothing. I flung my entire (glowy white naked) self out of the bed, and stomped right between the eyes of the monster. Nothing. Nothing at all. Very, very carefully I tiptoed to the door, and turned on the hall light.
There, lying on my floor, were my pink fuzzy slippers, with the glow in the dark hearts.
Moral of the story? Grown ups should not wear pink fuzzy slippers, especially if they tend to panic easily.

Love for the Girl Terror

I could be crazy, but I think the sunlamp is working! I feel....awake. I have energy. I have even been somewhat cheery! Scary business.
Girl Terror's report card came home today. I gotta tell you, I have no idea who came up with these report cards. They say pretty much nothing. Lots of words, several pages, but nothing concrete. I have no idea if she can read, write, or do math. Okay, I do know, but not from the report card. I DO know she is "satisfactory" is just about everything. She plays well with others. She follows directions.
I don't know if it's because I'm a mom, or if it's because I'm a teacher, but I want the school to know more about her than they obviously see. I want to call her teacher and say "Hey. Did you know this kid watches "Planet Earth" for fun? She thinks nature documentaries are the best? Has she mentioned that she is going to be an archeologist, possibly with a specialization in paleontology? No? I didn't think so.
I would like to tape her at home, so her teacher knows how bright and chatty she can be. Her dance lessons crack me up (a room full of teeny ballerina's bouncing around on their toes) like nothing else. Piano practice makes my heart swell. And let's not even start with the recital!!
With 22 students in the room, I recognize that Teacher might not know each one's little soul. I don't blame her one bit for using formulaic report cards. Hell, I hand out the same comments so much, I have the numbers memorized. But I still want her to know just how special this little person is, and to treasure her as much as I do.

Brief update

I finally went and bought a sunlight lamp, in an effort to haul my mood out of the sewage dump. This morning was the first time I used it, so it's a bit soon to tell, but I think it might work! At the very least, my mind was tricked into thinking positive thoughts, and I had energy and happiness all day.
I'm not totally convinced yet, but I'm hoping for good things. Surely one day of light therapy would not make such a difference. Perhaps the stars were just all aligned properly, and no one looked at me weird today. Who knows. I don't care, I'm just thrilled with being less of a bitch for a change. I'll keep you updated.

I'm feeling rushed.

Well. I just got home from our local big box store, and I am not impressed. They had CHRISTMAS stuff out! Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Christmas. I am, without a doubt, the Queen of Christmas. But....I'm still cleaning Halloween make-up off my neck. The candy corn is still soft. It's barely November, for crying out loud! It all seems a bit rushed.
Is it just me? What do you think? When is the right time to start Christmas/Holiday stuff?

Halloween.

I went to school today dressed as a witch, and apparently that was the right choice. I counted 17 witches in the building.
This evening, I refused to put candy into the pillow case of a giant raspberry. Nothing against raspberries, but he had stubble. My candy is for children who are not yet of voting age.
Why is it "acceptable" for 13-14 year old girls to dress up as slutty prostitutes and come to school? I saw way too many skanks today.
If you go trick-or-treating with the cutest baby giraffe and Queen (NOT a princess. No.) in the whole world, you get more candy than you can carry. We only did our street, because at that point their buckets were full and their arms were tired.

parents. teachers. born enemies.

We had 3-way conferences at my school this week. That's a fancy-pants way of saying Parent Teacher Conferences. It's supposed to imply that the students attend with their parents, but really. What teenager willingly goes to hang out with his mom and his teacher? I did have a few students show up, but they were most definitely not there by choice. I always promise to say something nice about each kid. I tell the students that I will find a positive, and open with it. I neglect to say that I will follow that cheery thought with the realities of their grades.
I wish that somehow I could be permitted to say what I think at these sorts of meetings. I hate speaking "teacherese". You know. Where the teacher says stuff like "Little Johnny is not working up to his potential. I'm sure we will see an improvement now that we have made our expectations clear." Here's a list of things I would love to say to parents. Note: Not all comments apply to all parents. Some people have done a fine job raising delightful kids. They know who they are, because I say to them "You have done a fine job raising a delightful child."

"Little Johnny has never written a thing in my class. Not even his name. I suspect that he might not know his own name."
"I get stoned just walking by your child. How is it you do not notice the pot fumes?"
"Remember the things you shrieked at each other last night over the bills? Mmm hmmm. So does Susie. And now, we ALL know how much you spent on booze this month."
"Your bedroom wall is thin. Your kid can mimic your orgasm sounds like you would not believe."
"Next time you feel like buying Rocky a gift, get him a binder full of looseleaf, and forget the mp3 player."
"Don't be shocked when I seem to dislike your child. He did, after all, tell me to go f@#k myself."

I have plenty more, but for now, that will do. The good news? I have enough brilliant, happy, polite students to make up for the stupid, cranky, rude parents I deal with.

Ugh.

I'm fighting it, I really am. It's too early in the year for me to feel that miserable fog rolling in. I think, deep down, that this is no "normal" bout of depression. This is "depression lite, with 60% less tears". I suspect that the anniversary of my father-in-law's death, combined with a summer of personal angst, is pulling me down. But knowing that I'm "not that bad off", or that things could be worse (have been worse) is not helping. What is helping? Remembering to breath. Going to bed early. Laughing whenever, wherever possible.
The good news? By the time I am ready to write this stuff, the worst is past. I never know that I'm headed down until I'm bouncing off the bottom, and coming back up. I realized today that eating pounds of crap does NOT make me feel cheerier. No. In fact, my double chin and expanding ass actually depress me more! Go figure! Chocolate is not the cure all!!
I guess what I'm trying to say is I'll be back. I haven't forgotten you, I've just had nothing worth saying. Or, I've had stuff to say, but no energy to bother saying it. You notice I've included lots of links in this post? That's because I'm too lazy to tell the same boring shit again.

I'll see you in the morning, when the sun comes back out.

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